True Freedom Comes From Above
As I sat watching TV and breathing through Fibromyalgia and arthritis pain last night, I thought about my life, my arts, the arts the Holy Spirit has produced through me, the ministry produced through me, and how much I fought God on all of this for so long in terms of his plans in my heart for me to be a minister and singer/songwriter, including pursuing in depth ongoing theology studies. I wondered really why I had fought for so long because now that I am doing what God calls me to do it and now that I truly am prayerfully seeking to do what the Lord has in mind for me, in line with my gifts, talents and such, I feel much more at peace with life, everything. If you read through the Bible, every time they went against God's wisdom and plan, it turned out badly, and so it should as it means you are following Satan's plans, so of course they will turn out badly.
First, there was human vanity and ego, in and odd sort of way, which I didn't want wounded or compromised or messed with. Yet I set up businesses and was not the wisest manager of finances or credit in my life, so there was a contradiction there so it would seen and in other ways also. Yet, in my thinking I was looking at franchises, and they had coaching, systems in place, so I couldn't fail. Thus my ego and vanity were well protected, so I thought and see Satan will nourish false narratives in your heart, spirit and soul to take you off the path God knows you need to be taking and on a path that will lead to pain, and tears etc... I got nothing but going around in circles and no real peace or joy, certainly no prosperity of any kind. Works of the flesh, even if they produce anything will only be temporary and will come with a high price and nothing really good, not in the long run.
Second there was the natural rebellion that started with Lucifer in heaven, one third of the angels, was shared with humanity, infected humanity, basically says "if you God tell me to go East, I am going West because I know better than you do, so there and I am going to prove it." I had this attitude for on and off even while studying scripture, and undertaking online and bible studies via the mail through various sources and doing online research. I also read New Age material and got caught up in that, which was a very bad idea I can tell you and Catholic Contemplative stuff, which is New Age really, not difference, and needs to be avoided. Once I was brought to a total breakdown of my health and life, I realized I had been rebellious and I had allowed Satan to stroke my ego, vanity and humanism to enter my heart, spirit and my soul, so I needed to go to the Cross, to Calvary to Christ, total surrender. I realized I had to make the Cross the source of all things in my life. I was lucky to get on that road, to find Sonlife Broadcasting and one or two other reliable sources and really get to The Message of the Cross and on track. It's been an odd internal and external tug of war. In the end, true wisdom won, God's Holy wisdom and ruth. Peace, sweet peace won.
Third was fear, but what fear was that? It was a deep concern perhaps more than fear. It was a deep concern that I wasn't up to the task that God had in store for me. The in depth lifelong study of theology, organizing of a full Internet teaching, prayer and wellness ministry, as well as a career as a poet singer/songwriter and writer was asking a lot. I forgot that he will never ask, or allow more than you can handle. He will always provide back up, provided you trust that it will all come, happen and unfold in the timeline, and the way it is meant to for your greater good and the greater good of all involved. For many, even me, that is not easy, that huge leap of faith and to place all faith in one source 24/7 for all things in your life at the foot of the Cross of Calvary and in the finished work of Christ at Calvary, even when the world and life seems to be falling apart is not easy. It requires prayerful surrender. However when you do this, it is the most amazing wonderful thing and life can unfold so beautifully, so amazingly beyond what you can imagine, but you have to let God, with full faith and focus on the finished work at the Cross, Christ and the Holy Spirit do their work. You have to cooperate, but also get out of the way, a tricky balance I know, but necessary.
Now that I have begun to learn this balance, I can truly be who I was meant to be all along and it is the most wonderful thing in the world.
Shalom and Amen.
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