Reflection of the Day

Reflection of the Day

As I sat in Starbucks, I thought about my life, having received the latest shoe drop that my liver enzymes are high, and why such a long journey to come home to vocational and spiritual truth.  I realized there were two things at the core of this stalled journey.

One element was fear of the world, having been devastated by dad leaving when I was young and that creating a situation where though even as young child I knew there was a creator, a big daddy for all of us and everything in the sky, I couldn't bring myself to fully trust the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit, to surrender to their will for my life.  Their will was based on the gifts given to me in ministry/preaching and the arts, but I was too busy being scared and trying to make things work out my way according to my own vision of what I thought success looked like. I bought into the definition of freedom, success and all that given by the world, by radical feminism in a way.  That coupled with my distrust of relationships based on my father having walked on me and mom leaving us in a precarious financial situation, made for a long journey home.  The other element was rebellion.  I didn't want to live by anyone's rules, not by God's, except when I wanted to, when I felt like it.  That led to impulsive, not very wise decisions and to my being really unhappy down deep in my heart, spirit and soul.  These two elements combined made for a great barrier to my realizing my full potential, my vocation/s in full, in conjunction, coordination with each other, holistically and wisely.  It took God really kicking me in the stomach and knocking me down to understand it. What did I understand?

I understood that with my life clear in Christ, the Message of the Cross, and with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit there was nothing to fear really but fear itself.  The enemy Satan had been defeated by Christ at Calvary and by his resurrection, so I didn't have to fight any battles alone, or struggle, even when any riptides came my way.  I understood that it was important to know the Word of God, his true Word, the Holy Bible holistically and really seek not just an intellectual understanding, but a real heart, spirit, soul connection to it, to it's concepts, precepts, wisdom.  Also, I had to allow the Holy Spirit, call on the Father, in Christ, for the Holy Spirit to take me out of any lawlessness, rebellion and sin patterns I might be in and keep me out.  Once that was done, then I could truly accept the guidance of the Holy Spirit and with that came a courage solid and strong, a clear understanding of what path I am to pursue.  One is Internet ministry and the other is the arts (music composition, and writing, poetry and songs, as well as a book or two, or more in life).  Once I let go of the past, gave all my concerns etc... to Christ, allowed the Holy Trinity to speak to my heart, spirit, soul through inspiration and revelation the path to ministry and to the arts began to take shape and I even got a contract with a publisher for two years, with my first book of poetry to come out sometime in February or in early March. Once I accepted living by God's concepts and precepts, everything started to fall into place beautifully, so peacefully.   God was right that people perish for lack of knowledge and that truly is sad, very sad.

Shalom and Amen